First of all..Cheers Alex, I have my fingers crossed too!

Dessi,I am not a medical doctor or a psychologist but I have a friend like that who suffers from bi polar disorder, one moment he can be happy, euphoric and the next depressed beyond help. I dont know what causes it . He has seen a specialist to help him through it. Your post I hope will inspire other people to open up about their issues.!

Dessi,
totally. Though I don't feel ashamed. just alone. I'd rather live alone then with someone I don't like.
I like it and at the same time it's killing me (even physically). I'll never use meds. It's not for me. I prefer fighting on my own. + meds imho just hide the problem. Maybe I'll finally meet someone and maybe not. I won't try to kill myself anymore though coz if I do it maybe I'll miss something important.
Bi polar disorder is a serious disease. It's not depression. heh, after my winter depression I realized that I don't wanna feel like that anymore. It scared all the s*** out of me no way.

eurovisionireland wrote:Dessi,I am not a medical doctor or a psychologist but I have a friend like that who suffers from bi polar disorder, one moment he can be happy, euphoric and the next depressed beyond help. I dont know what causes it . He has seen a specialist to help him through it. Your post I hope will inspire other people to open up about their issues.!

Yes I hope so too! It's good to talk with others about every day issues like work, lack of work, love, relationships and so on...
I also have a friend (from work) who suffers from bi polar disorder. The difference between him and me is that he can't hide his emotional ups and downs. I can "put on a mask" and still pretend to be "happy" towards others even tought I feel really sad and depressed. But when I get home I let it all off.
If I go too long with a mild depression I get seriously depressed. And then I can't pretend to be happy. Then I just want to sleep all the time. I don't have any strength to do even ordinary things like taking a shower, eat or lift my legs out of the bed. That's why I'm really happy there's medicin!

Alexander's Psychiatry wrote:Dessi,
totally. Though I don't feel ashamed. just alone. I'd rather live alone then with someone I don't like.
I like it and at the same time it's killing me (even physically). I'll never use meds. It's not for me. I prefer fighting on my own. + meds imho just hide the problem. Maybe I'll finally meet someone and maybe not. I won't try to kill myself anymore though coz if I do it maybe I'll miss something important.
Bi polar disorder is a serious disease. It's not depression. heh, after my winter depression I realized that I don't wanna feel like that anymore. It scared all the s*** out of me no way.

My problem isn't Bi Polar Disorder. My problem is stress. I put myself under too much pressure all of the time. And due to this and a lot of other different things like: money (I don't have a fixed income), social support (I don't have any support from my family), a lot of different jobs (to make sure I can pay the bills), and other old traumas, my "stress hormones" are very high. And due to this my "happy levels" in my brain gets very low and I get even more depressed. I get so freaking tired. I just want to sleep. I don't want to do anything cause I don't have any strengt at all. That's way I need medicin.

I was just like you 10 years ago!
I was strong and I struggled on my own. But as I grew older and after several depressions, I became weaker and weaker and the depressions grew stronger and stronger. I realized I couldn't fix this on my own. So I got help from a doctor who gave me medicin and sent me to a psychologist.
I'm really happy I got this medicin. Without it I wouldn't even get up. I would sleep all day long. I don't care about anything at all when I'm in a deep depression. But with the medicin in my system I can deal with other more funcional problems. Like my stress problems which is the MAJOR reason to my depressions. When I'm not miserable(=when I got meds in my system) I can focus on LIVING, focus on the positive things, focus on getting better. And then I get back to normal behavior (not depressive) more rapidly!

maybe a dumb question, but how do you recognize depression?

coz we all have our bad moments...

GordonRamsayIsmyHero wrote:maybe a dumb question, but how do you recognize depression?

coz we all have our bad moments...

No, it's not a dumb question! It's a very GOOD question. Cause I didn't even realize I was depressed at first. I thought everybody felt as I did. "Everybody has bad moments" I said to myself.

Depression can vary in strength. When it affects your daily life and you can't function as normal, then you need help.
When you don't want to do things that normally brings you joy, when you are extremely tired, when you burst out in tears or shout at people, when you worry a lot, when you fail at school or at work, when you think of suicide as one option to help yourself, when you don't care about others (you are so tired and can't focus on other people) then you really are depressed.

There is a test for depression. MADRS is a test used by doctors here in Sweden.
The doctor asks you a lot of questions. Questions about your sleeping habits, your state of mind, your eating habits, if you can concentrate on various things, emotional commitment, power of initiative, will of life, pessimism, and so on... The final score gives the doctor a hint if it's a severe depression or a mild one.

This was a quick answer because depression can be so much more than just these few things a told you about. But MADRS is a really good test.

Dessi, this is what I said. Depression is not a bi polar disorder though they have similar symptoms and OBVIOUSLY depression is not "everyone has bad moments" thing. We were depressed ... lol, speaking of that test ... I would scored the highest level in Januray.
so do you feel depressed still? I mean do you need medicine? can you live without it?
I ask because my previous bf left me because he was also depressed and even I couldn't help him. He couldn't leave without meds. He thought it was only one solution. He broke up with me because he saw that he tortured me but I din't want to let him go because I was REALLY afraid for him and I loved him ... but he left me still even despite all of this. He thought he hurt me with his constant changes of mood and he could say really bad things but then apologize. He also took meds. He also wanted just sleep and he wasn't interested in anything. I realized how he felt after our break up when I've experienced it myself
But I'm glad that we broke up ... because I wouldn't left him in such situation but he did. Then I cut my veins and after that I had a 2 weeks of "rehab". I don't remember anything what I was doing then ... it was weird transition ... but I started feeling much better in March. Right now I feel great. Esp when I don't talk to anyone I think in a few months I'll feel REALLY great. I know one thing for sure that I won't come back in that state anymore

That was very informative, Dessi! Thx!

Alexander's Psychiatry wrote:Dessi, this is what I said. Depression is not a bi polar disorder though they have similar symptoms and OBVIOUSLY depression is not "everyone has bad moments" thing. We were depressed ... lol, speaking of that test ... I would scored the highest level in Januray.
so do you feel depressed still? I mean do you need medicine? can you live without it?
I ask because my previous bf left me because he was also depressed and even I couldn't help him. He couldn't leave without meds. He thought it was only one solution. He broke up with me because he saw that he tortured me but I din't want to let him go because I was REALLY afraid for him and I loved him ... but he left me still even despite all of this. He thought he hurt me with his constant changes of mood and he could say really bad things but then apologize. He also took meds. He also wanted just sleep and he wasn't interested in anything. I realized how he felt after our break up when I've experienced it myself
But I'm glad that we broke up ... because I wouldn't left him in such situation but he did. Then I cut my veins and after that I had a 2 weeks of "rehab". I don't remember anything what I was doing then ... it was weird transition ... but I started feeling much better in March. Right now I feel great. Esp when I don't talk to anyone I think in a few months I'll feel REALLY great. I know one thing for sure that I won't come back in that state anymore

Oops, I'm sorry... Since I never wrote anything about Bipolar Disorder (eurovisionirland did) I made the assumption that you thought I had BpD when I saw your comment on this disorder. My misstake! Sorry!
No, I don't feel depressed. I feel just fine. Ups and downs as always, but nothing compared to the "real thing".
Yes, I need medicin. But I'm on a low dose right now. I guess I could do fine without meds, atleast för a while. But there's another reason why I need to take my medicin. It's my own choise so nobody has forced me to take them. You see... I have 2 children, a boy and a girl. And I don't want them to live theire lives with a mother who is a complete WRECK. I don't want them to grow up with memories of their mum laying in a dark bedroom most of the times. I want to have the strenght to raise my children by myself, to give them love, strenght, support and guidance through life. And I can only do this if I take the meds. So, it's a easy choise for me!
But medicine isn't the ONLY thing that helpt me. If I hadn't met with that psychologist, the meds wouldn't do much good. I think the meds are only ONE part of the solution. I also needed someone showing me new ways to act and think - to think differently and act differently. And that's what I learnt when I met the psychologist. But to have the strengt to work with myself and my "new" thinking and behavior, I need the meds. Because it's hard work to change yourself. I mean... I lived my whole life with low self-esteem, always doing things for others, never thinking of myself, always keeping others content, never saying NO and so on... And suddenly I have to CHANGE all this that's such a huge part of my persona. It is very hard work!
But sometime in the future when I feel strong enough and when I live with my new toughts and act accordingly, then I'll stop taking the medicine!

Yes, I totally understand you. I never going to be in that state again either. Was it the break-up that "trigged" your depression? Or was it the whole affair with your BF and his depression?

I broke up with one guy in December because he was a total jerk. He said few really horrible things to me. He lived in Kyiv, we called each other every day, we chattedfor 4 or 5 hoursevery day ... he invited me to go on one concert together... abroad. But then he said something. It's personal and it was a HUGE hit for me. We broke up on Catholic X-mas. Can you believe this?

I met another boy in a few days after X-ma and in a few days before New Year He was amazing. He really loved me. He always did something unbelievable each day and I did incredible things too. We cared about each other so much, you know ... it's like another world stops existing when I'm with him. But he took meds. He left me because of the most ridiculous reason. It was SO ridiculous and offensive at the same time. I couldn't believe. I dunno, My jaw hit the floor. He preferred meds to me.
It was a HUGE shock for me. I couldn't find a job, the best offer f*cked up because the main employer fired at least 20 people right before hiring me (I passed all appointments so they only had to hire me) so obviously I was left without a job as well. I saw absolutely no point in living and I felt nothing. That's why I cut myself. I just couldn't live numb anymore so I wanted to end it faster.



woah! you have 2 kids and you live for them. my respect for you is endless

Alexander's Psychiatry wrote:I broke up with one guy in December because he was a total jerk. He said few really horrible things to me. He lived in Kyiv, we called each other every day, we chattedfor 4 or 5 hoursevery day ... he invited me to go on one concert together... abroad. But then he said something. It's personal and it was a HUGE hit for me. We broke up on Catholic X-mas. Can you believe this?

I met another boy in a few days after X-ma and in a few days before New Year He was amazing. He really loved me. He always did something unbelievable each day and I did incredible things too. We cared about each other so much, you know ... it's like another world stops existing when I'm with him. But he took meds. He left me because of the most ridiculous reason. It was SO ridiculous and offensive at the same time. I couldn't believe. I dunno, My jaw hit the floor. He preferred meds to me.
It was a HUGE shock for me. I couldn't find a job, the best offer f*cked up because the main employer fired at least 20 people right before hiring me (I passed all appointments so they only had to hire me) so obviously I was left without a job as well. I saw absolutely no point in living and I felt nothing. That's why I cut myself. I just couldn't live numb anymore so I wanted to end it faster.



woah! you have 2 kids and you live for them. my respect for you is endless

Thanks!
Oh, you're so kind! And so cute AP!

I'm very happy you're feeling much better now. I can see you've been through a lot of heavy things...
You must be very strong since you could handle all of this without meds!
I'm so happy you got help and "rehab".
You're a beautiful person AP! (I want to write your real name here but i didn't know what it was...hihi)
You're easy to talk to and you're always interested in others.
I hope you find someone who deserves you and who appreciate your inner qualities!
But right now you probably should take care of yourself - focus on yourself for a while!

thank you SO MUCH, sunshine! *loooong lasted warm hugs*
call me Sasha... or Alex ... I don't mind.
hehe, I'm not always interested in others and sometimes I have no time. ehhh, I wish I could focus on someone great beside me, you know what I mean

Well anyone any issues they want to discuss?

This thread has to be brought back to life

Uhm .. personal problem .. uh .. well. Uh. I DONT HAVE ANY! I'm perfect at the moment

^ hate you
j/k, sweety

it seems everyone wants to bring me down these days.
3 ex boyfriends contacted me during 3 consecutive days so I had to say "f*ck off" thrice.
my 2 best friends turned out miserable homophobes
you know, when a person says "I don't want my child to be gay" I feel nothing but disgust to her/him.
seriously, if somebody doesn't like another person just because of his/her sexual behaviour then that "somebody" shows her/his low level of culture & intellect.
talking to such imbeciles is like talking to f*cken amoeba

Alexander's Psychiatry wrote:talking to such imbeciles is like talking to f*cken amoeba

I hate people like that. Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with your personality and stuff. That's why I hate when people go around calling each other "damn fag" and "gay" .. Like, what's the problem with being gay?


But hey, at least now you know that you are too good for those people! No one needs people like that in their life.

^ YEAH!
I banned them from my blogs!
no more honey for them from precious lil' Alex

Alexander's Psychiatry wrote:^ YEAH!
I banned them from my blogs!
no more honey for them from precious lil' Alex

You are better off without them. Believe me!

eurovisionireland wrote:You are better off without them. Believe me!

yeah! *HUGZ*

I had enough homophobes in my life so I know what to do )))

That reminds me ..

Before summer holidays, we were learing about magnets in physics in school. Well, our teacher said this: "A magnet is like a person. It should be attracted to the opposite side of the other magnet, and if it's attracted to the equal side of the other magnet, it's wrong. Just like with persons."

I was seriously in shock the entire day after that I had an urge to report him to the principal, but I never did. It's such a shame that a TEACHER tries to teach STUDENTS that homosexuality is wrong.

actually the bastard doesn't know physics and apparently he doesn't know what happens when two same parts attract to each other ...


anyway, I bet the bastard can't even explain WHY it's so "bad". well, probably coz there's no explanaton for his marasm



YAY! let's divide people on black & white, straight and gay, old & young, men & women ... and kill each other coz it's WRONG COZ WE ARE DIFFERENT


I'd report to a principal about that f*cker.


lulz, dividing people is SO last century.
accept that I'm different.
accept other people's life.
respect ALL people. NOBODY has a right to judge sexuality. I love a person and I don't care that he's the same sex with me. There's nothing wrong about it. I don't live for YOU or for society so accept it and don't act like a loser and say what's right for ME coz you can't even love. You're morally disabled

OK.... that statement is just wrong... you should have reported him. I would definitely stand up in defense of my orientation if teacher told me that.

OK All, anyone any problems they want to get off their chest?

I'm wondering why I'm so picky to people ... I dunno, just when you try to let someone in in your life, in your private space they try to crap as much as they can and get the f*ck out very fast. You know, I want to believe that I'm mistaken ... because in other case there's noone good for me beside me and I dunno how to deal with them. I'm so tired of closing doors but I can't torture myself as well. I think heaven refused me in love and I have to be alone for the rest of my life. Jeezuz, I refused to SO much people ;(... I'm wondering if there's my soul mate somewhere. I'm wondering why did I deserve it... to be SO different? I'm not searching for a perfect match of course (lol) but isn't there ecven so-so match? ;(

I am writing my personal statement for the uni.

it's so hard..

Alexander's Psychiatry wrote:I'm wondering why I'm so picky to people ... I dunno, just when you try to let someone in in your life, in your private space they try to crap as much as they can and get the f*ck out very fast. You know, I want to believe that I'm mistaken ... because in other case there's noone good for me beside me and I dunno how to deal with them. I'm so tired of closing doors but I can't torture myself as well. I think heaven refused me in love and I have to be alone for the rest of my life. Jeezuz, I refused to SO much people ;(... I'm wondering if there's my soul mate somewhere. I'm wondering why did I deserve it... to be SO different? I'm not searching for a perfect match of course (lol) but isn't there ecven so-so match? ;(

Love is a very strange emotion, I have a friend who for so log went through one night stands and suddenly he meets woman whom he loves! I admit its weird,I am wondering the same thing but life is not fair.

Marais, tell me more?